I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if only i could text you this smell
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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