no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
