i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
