I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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