First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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