Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
