Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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