Me too!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
