guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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