I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
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Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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