Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
