i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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