Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.