If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.