I cannot find my penis.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!