we have officially lost it.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
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How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.