He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.