I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing