Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.