That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
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They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.