Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?