I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
When / where did the additional couches appear?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.