my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So squirting runs in the family.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I would not recommend douching while drunk.