So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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