Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
