CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
