you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
