the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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