dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
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I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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