i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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