just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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