he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
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Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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