I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
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Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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