you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
