I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt