A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
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sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
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Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.