I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.