she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You ruined the universe