my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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