Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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