I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
