my mouth tastes like poor choices
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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