it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
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apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
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I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.