you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem