I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
