Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
