this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
