There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize