Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
