do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
