Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
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The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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