it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
