If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize