i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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