come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize