I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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