Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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