The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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