Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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