Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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