if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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