I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
