I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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